Who is Ace? Is there anything he cares about?
These are serious questions that I ask myself almost everyday. I’m an artist with a loud and powerful voice in my community. Ironically, I’ve spent that last year desperately trying to discover what that voice sounds like in the ears of others. I mean really, who am I? What is my acting like? What is my personality like? How do I achieve an identifiable look with EVERYTHING I create?
When I look at my instagram feed, I am consumed with self-conscious questions about my purpose, aesthetic quality, cohesion, simplicity and composition. I’m constantly questioning if I’m really as good a photographer as I say I am. These questions arise despite the fact that my followers (people that like my work) and clients (people that are willing to actually pay me for my work because they like It that much) tell me just how much love the work that I do from design to photography to acting.
The issue is that I just don’t see it yet. I mean, I can see why it’s great work; why people would like it, but I couldn’t tell you WHY I created it. Why did I use these colors? Why did I make this composition THIS way and not THAT way? Am I using the Stanislovski method or the Meisner technique? I have no fucking idea! I can’t tell you when I look at my work what the fuck it’s about. And that shit is so goddamn frustrating, you know? Because everyday I have a new favorite color, or favorite song, or a new favorite movie or design method. How can I every discover my voice?
It’s ever changing, so when I look back at all my shit, it doesn’t look to me like the same paint brush painted it. Some people have this amazing ability to define themselves by a top 10 all-time favorite song list that they made in 8th grade, burnt onto a CD and kept through the ages. And those opinions have never and will never vary. That person knows her style, her swag. She know the voice from which her art was birthed. I want to know how to do that shit! Or at least discover why I haven’t figured it out yet.
Maybe it’s because my work isn’t made out of personal necessity. My work is usually made to meet the needs of a client and powered by my burning desire exceed their expectations. I love the challenge. I love the puzzle! That’s why I create art. Not for me, for you! Now, this is fantastic when it comes to creating work for other people, but not so helpful when creating work for myself. I’ve found that for myself, I either end up never getting around to a personal project or I give myself the sloppy seconds of work that was originally made for someone else, just to say “I did it,” and check it off the list.
I’ve made so much cool and artistic shit in my life but… was there really any message behind any of it? Was there even any ME behind any of it? I’m not sure the answer, but even that ounce of uncertainty kills me. Shouldn’t my work mean something? Shouldn’t I give a fuck about SOMETHING? Would that message or meaning or sense of caring not make my work matter more? But at the same time, I think part of what makes the Acethetic unique is that sneaking suspicion from a viewer that maybe Ace really just doesn’t give a shit at all. MAYBE THATS WHY MY SHIT IS SO COOL!
Perhaps the truth is: I really don’t give a fuck about the message. I couldn’t care less. The truth is: I don’t care what it makes you feel or why you do or don’t get offended by what I have to say. The truth is: I just like the shit I like and make the art I make. My creative direction is top notch in every aspect of art that I touch, and I use my artistic apathy to my advantage. And you should like my shit because I’m Ace motherfucker. ‘Nuff said. Peace! ✌️